I know, I know.

I've been quiet recently.

But now I'm back. . . Momentarily.

My web-hosting is about to run out and when I tried to sort it the website didn't like the fact that I was in Thailand and told to me to go get stuffed!!

I've also managed to leave myself with only one day to sort it because while I was in Bangkok I never checked my mail and now I'm sat on the verge of my deadline!!

Sooooo, you may notice the site doing funny stuff in the future. . . like disappearing.

I'm on the case to sort it but it may take some time. Bare with me people.

As a treat, when I do get the site sorted I have some great stories from Bangkok. Seriously, solid gold stories.

ohhhhhhh, a Neighbours type cliffhanger. . . nice way to end.

A Beating.

Today I took a good old fashioned beating while we were sparring. The worst of which was given to me by one person. See, I'm a bit taller then he was so I kept on jabbing him in the face.

Only thing is, I don't think he appreciated it much because mere seconds later he planted his foot squarely and firmly in my stomach, thus rendering me 'out of action'.

I had the trainer at my side going "Breath Wardy, just breath!" Believe me when I tell you that breathing was Exactly what I was trying to do. I mean I wanted so hard to take a breath, but no, my body had other ideas, so I just crouched there, mouth open, trying to coordinate my lungs into taking in some air so I could get on with it.

When the breath finally came it felt good for all the time it took to take another breath, and then we were at it again.

It was such a good session today. There were five of us sparring together and by the end of it we were sat around in a circle, examining each others bruises, laughing heartily at the mug shots we took and going over what we had learnt that day.

Sure, each and every one of us had blood on our teeth by the time we'd done.

But we only know that because each and every one of us was grinning from ear to ear!

Dude, there are Monks in the Octagon!!!

Today the camp got blessed by Buddist monks from the local temple. They came in, did their little ritual and then went and blessed the area. It was a really good ceremony and I was very happy that I was allowed to be a part of it. The funny thing was that the main ceremony took place in the Octagon. It was such a good sight, nine monks in robes sat side by side on the Octagon slab. One I'll surely never forget.

Good photography vs bad photography.

A few weeks ago I gave my camera to one of the Thai kids that trains with us and told him to snap away. In 40 minutes he had taken 208 photos and filled my memory card. Out of this 208 there are about 15 fabulous ones and 15 good ones. Then today at the ceremony one of the guys took photos and the difference is that almost all of his were absolutely amazing.

Now I have little to no artistic merit and a child can literally take as good photos as I. But this guy was on fire, his photos had depth, mood and emotion. They are just amazing. Some of them will be getting blown up and printed when I get back home to remind myself of the whole occasion. I'm so gutted I cant take better photos.

My photos are merely images of what I have done, his managed to be stories in themselves.

Krabi.

Imagine a place, where simply taking a walk to the golden sandy beach, with warm clear blue water, and looking out over the waves to huge stone monoliths, becomes an adventure in itself as you meander beside towering rock faces pitted with a multitude of exploreable nooks while stalactites the size of buses hover just above you.

Yes, Krabi is a truly amazing place to see.

Where we were staying the sea came right up to the side of the hostel and you had to walk through the water to get anywhere at high tide.

Hot sun, amazing scenery, ice cold beer, great company and I just have to mention it again, the scenery.

If you go to Thailand, go to Krabi. You will not regret it.

A lesson learned.

Lesson Learned.

* Kick with the shin, not the foot.

Lesson temporarily forgotton.

* Kick with the shin, not the foot.

Lesson learned.

* Kick with the shin, not the foot.

You see, when you try something new, and get it a bit wrong, you can sometimes hurt yourself. This simple misdemeanour left my with a foot with a sweet ass lump on it. I mean this foot swelled up good. There was talk of bones having been broken and having to take weeks off. There is something sickeningly grotesque about standing watching your foot swell before your very eyes.

I thought about hospital but, I just couldn't be bothered. So I put it in ice all night instead and it looks heaps better.

You know, I think of injuries like I do falling off a bike. It only goes to show that you're trying.

Next time I try to kick that fast, you'd better believe I'll remember my distancing.

Dear Mr Random.

I attended one of your lectures the other day. I'm very honoured that you took so much time out of your life to lecture me personally. I'm even more honoured that you would do so outside of you work time, and give me a lecture right there in the bar, only moments after we have met.

I'm surprised you knew so much about me, what with us having being complete strangers till only moments before, but I suppose someone in your position must make it his business to know about the lives of others. You must have done a lot of research, I'm guessing you've got a really fast internet connection. My brother lives in the sticks and he cant get a fast connection so it's very surprising that you managed to get broadband into your ivory tower. NTL is funny like that.

I was surprised your lecture lasted so long and took on so many areas of my life. From my sex life, to my haircut, to my work ethic. However, while at the time I was enraptured listening to you disseminate my very existence, upon thinking about your argument I have found a couple of areas that I don't fully understand. Please could you could clarify these for me.

With regards to my sex life. I said I was wary of the Thai girls because I didn't want to go home - and I quote - "with crap on my junk".

You then went on to explain how I was small minded to think that all Thai girls had STD's. You told me that I was 100% wrong to think that ALL Thai girls were infected with something.

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I'm sure there are millions of Thai women, pure as the driven snow and cleaner than the Baptists new whistle. However, you took what I said out of context. You see, we were stood in a bar surrounded by Thai hookers. Girls whose job it is - believe it or not - is to sleep with men for money. I'm sorry if I misled you. I'm sure you were not aware of these girls occupation, for surely if you had then it would have been them, and not me, who would have been receiving such an insightful and interesting lecture on how to live their life.

My apologies for this slight indiscretion. I wrongly assumed that you would have picked up on the insinuation that the girls I were talking about were prostitutes. I suppose late night drinking in an area known for its sex tourism, in a bar full of young ladies trying to find a man for the night, was too subtle a clue as to my meaning. Next time, much like yourself, I will try to be more concise.

I was also unaware that you had done so much research on the spread of Aids through South East Asia. I had only studied this particular disease on and off for three years while earning my degree. I'm sure your two months in the area and hands on experience much better enables you to quote figures and statistics to back up your claim. I am somewhat disappointed with my university degree however. For the figures you were quoting almost seemed plucked out of thin air, if I did not trust your judgement so earnestly I would have thought them wildly inaccurate and made up on the spur of the moment to help prop up your sterling, thought provoking and entirely researched based view of the situation.

Thanks to you I now see the error of my ways. Of course I could sleep with a girl back home and still catch some of the diseases that are so rife over here. I could catch skin cancer is England also, but the chances of me getting it over here are so much higher that I take extra precautions when I go out. Do you see the parallel. If you don't it is probably my fault for not understanding what you were saying properly and once again I apologise. Maybe you explained this better in your sub-speech about going on holiday in Europe. I must admit, I understood little of what you meant during this informative tirade. No, I don't view South East Asian prostitutes and European girls as equal risks. I fear I missed your point. There were so many of them maybe I concentrated too hard on the less important ones. Next time could you berate me with bullet points placed in order of severity so I can study better at home how small minded I am.

Moving away from this issue, though I would very much like to linger on it and make my point multiple times using the same argument, wording and emphasis - see, I was listening - I would like to talk about my hair.

I momentarily had dreadlocks. This much is true. But no, I was never part of the Rastafarian religion. Surprisingly I actually had heard of Rastafarians, don't worry, I didn't feel patronised, it was nice to have their existence verified for my by someone of your intelligence. I can't deny that sometimes I didn't doubt a little and thought they may have been make believe, or maybe even a branch of the Leprechaun family.

I know you felt it was slightly hypocritical of me to have dreadlocks and not be a part of their movement, but no, I do not feel like I was disrespecting their religion. I'm almost entirely sure this was you making a joke, I mean would you say I was disrespecting Buddhists if I shaved my head. You teaser you!

You also had some fabulous insights into my future work. Joining the Navy, although I'm sure a worthy choice, is not really my cup of tea. Oh and yes, of course I've heard of the Royal Navy, _chortle_, I'm very glad you made sure I'd heard of the Navy before you went on to talk of them in further detail. You see, sometimes when people talk about the Royal Navy I think they are talking about a very rich and dark shade of the colour blue. How embarrassing it would have been for you to talk Navy at me for twenty minutes, and all the time I'd have been thinking you just spent a part of your life training to be a popular colour for mens wool jumpers!


Unfortunately at some point your little lesson in life had to come to an end. I'm only sorry I couldn't have talked to you for longer. The time we did spend together was so interesting it seemed to last forever, surely the sign of a good talker.

I thank you for pointing out the folly of my ways. I shall try to reform and be a better person in the future.

Also, thank you for taking such an active interest in my life and the way I live it. It was almost as if you really cared what type of person I was, and will end up being. Putting me back on the straight and narrow and following your advice will surely help me form myself into a valuable member of society. Your unparalleled interest in my opinions and ways of life was invaluable. Never before has a complete stranger taken such a keen interest in me, and so meticulously picked me apart like a wiser, more intelligent and morally superior vulture. Many people would have left that situation feeling belittled, patronised and stupid. I'm constantly surprised I even managed to look at myself in the mirror this morning, what with me being such an inferior and misguided individual. And all those little digs and snide remarks that were throw in under the radar, oh how I would be a complete mess this morning if I had noticed them.

Lucky for me then that I met you.

And luckier still that I don't understand sarcasm.

And heaven forbid, and mean really forbid, that I should have a solid grasp of being subtle myself.