Today I was on my annual "what mobile phone deal can I get" shopping trip when I had the misfortune to walk into Phones 4 U. The first thing that happened once I had set foot into retail space was that someone asked me if I needed any help. Seeing as I knew exactly what I was after I thought I would take him up on the offer and save myself browsing time. "Actually", I replied "I'm looking for a PDA phone."
Silence.
"Oh" he managed after going through every PDA acronym he knew before realising he didn't know what 'acronym' stood for "I'll just go and ask someone"
and somehow it went downhill from there.
Now, I work in a ski and snowboard shop. I know little about ski's and snowboards. This is why I don't go up to people and ask them if they want help. What use am I? None.
Asking if I wanted help would imply that he could be of help to me. So why oh why when I told him what I wanted, did he look stunned. It's a PDA mate, you sell them, it's a type of mobile phone, I'm stood in a mobile phone shop, do the math.
So he went and got someone else and they got me sat down in "buyers corner", a subtle technique to make me feel compelled to buy which washed over me in exactly the same way his stinking cologne didn't, and they showed me the only PDA phone they sold.
Now I had done a mornings research on the internet to make sure I knew what I was after. I knew the particular model they showed me could not be used to access the internet in the way I needed it to. It was around this point that I thought I would play along and hopefully glean some information out of these people that I didn't already possess.
I asked if the phone could be used to access the internet. The guy, and I wish I was kidding here, turned the phone around in his hands, saw a button with a little arrow or globe on it or something and then informed me that it could indeed be used to access the internet. Well blow me away, it has a shortcut button on it. That answers all my questions straight away. I asked if they knew anything of the "walled garden" internet access as it is sloppily named, they did not. I explained that it could not be used for normal browsing, they seemed surprised. There was a man stood slightly away from us taking notes on a clip board. I had embarrassed the sales staff, they would have their revenge.
I went on to explain that I simply would not in any way be buying a phone unless I could get a full size keyboard to accompany it for text input. I know for a fact that you can buy these off the internet. The sales gang -there were now three of them- went on to explain that I could use the stylus provided to enter text and so I wouldn't need a keyboard. I explained that I would be producing Word documents and so I needed a keyboard as I could touch type and it would make it faster.
"You can input text really fast with the stylus though, it has a special input method to speed it up"
"Yes, but I can touch type so would prefer a keyboard."
"It's faster using a stylus than it is with a phone though."
"But I can touch type."
"Honestly you wouldn't believe how fast you can get."
Then it hit me. He didn't know what touch typing was. He imagined me sitting there with my mobile frantically bashing away with one thumb and he though that was what I meant.
Oh poor confused soul.
I asked if they stocked any keyboards but unfortunately they didn't.
"The only one that will work with this phone is not being released till next March."
"What about the one I could have bought off Amazon this morning?"
Silence.
Finally somebody asks me exactly why I want a PDA phone and separate keyboard. I explain and he looks at me, weighing his options.
He takes me slightly away from the others and gives me the heart to heart.
"It sounds to me mate, like you'd be better off with a laptop."
For the nth time I explain how I don't want a laptop as I need something small and portable.
"You can get them pretty small these days though."
"Yeah, but they cost a couple of thousand pounds."
"Small though."
Brilliant. No other word could describe it. I walk into a shop, am greeted by ignorance, lied to, and then told I should go somewhere else and spend a couple of thousand pounds to overcome my problem.
I have come to the conclusion that the Phones 4 U advert is not filmed in some backwards part of Kentucky, so much as in Birmingham, at the Phones 4 U annual staff party.
Needless to say, I shall never again be setting foot into any of their stores.
Luckily though, since last time we met, there have been happy times also. Times that I can look back on and smile. I was talking to a friend from uni last night, she went to the theatre to watch Chicago, I went to watch Joseph. Although this tragically highlighted the class difference between us, it only brought a grin to my face as I cast my mind back. Since Chris has already written about the night, I shall point you there.
And remember people, "It takes a man who knows no fear, to wrestle, with a goat."