This little piggy went down the rabbit hole.

Ok Ok, I know I've been a bit slack with updates recently, however, this little beauty has snapped me right out of it.
Ladies and Gentlemen, it is with pleasure that I bring to you THE MEATRIX.

Flaming Drip Trays Batman!

An interesting couple of days.

I was walking around Coventry last night trying to find a bar. I knew – kinda – where it was, but only is so much as I - kinda – knew which direction to walk.
I managed to get outside the ring road and was merrily walking around . . . somewhere. . . when I realised that for 20 of the past 45 minutes I had been lost. I knew I could retrace my steps and decided on this as I had fully no idea where in Coventry I was, and was getting a bit tired of walking round.
On the way back I decided to ask for directions so I wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the night aimlessly traipsing the streets. So the next people I saw, I asked.

They were two guys, obviously locals, and for all intents and purposes looked “normal” (no obvious scars). Do you know what reply I got.

“Give me twenty quid and I’ll tell you.”

YEAH RIGHT!!!

I must admit, when they said that I did think for a split second that I was about to get mugged. I thought “Nice one Wardy, the two guys you decide to ask end up kicking you ass and nicking your mp3 player”. Well the joke would have been on them because one of my earphones is broken!!

I digress.

So I was left once again on my own, lost, and not really wanting to ask the gang of “yoot” the way for fear I would ruin their game of “Try and set the shopping trolley on fire.”

Luckily for me, one of the girls finally noticed I had tried calling and phoned be back.

“Hey Wardy, where are you?”

“I am LITERALLY, stood underneath junction 9 of the ring road.”

Suffice to say, I found the place in the end and I had missed it by only one street about 30 minutes earlier.
You live and learn.

On a lighter note I bagged me some deals in the Salvation Army shop. I got a really cool hoody for two quid, a horrendous shirt that I just know I’m gonna make look amazing somehow for one pound, and a fully fantastic “this is the kind of thing I wore when I was 6” T-shirt for fifty pence.

Gotta love the Salvo’s.

I will leave you with a little snap shot of Friday night.

Girl orders double Sambuka.
Girl spills double Sambuka on bar.
Girl thinks it will be funny to light the Sambuka regardless.
Barman doesn’t.

UNMAS

According to my typo, there is a United Nations Mince Action Service. So while the world may still be ravaged my landmines, everyone gets to eat a good pie!!

Makes sense when you think about it.

With no sense of irony, we frequently congratulate ourselves upon the heroic behaviour of the emergency services in a disaster. If the emergency services have to be heroic, then hazard management has failed since the objective is to reduce a potential disaster to the easily manageable. Equally, the emergency services frequently have to compensate with heroism for the failure of command, communication and control during the disaster, and mismanagement and negligence prior to the disaster.
Colin Green, 1992.

Open Air Job Centre.

Half of the City Centre is currently cordoned off due to a bomb threat. The speakers that usually play shopping inducing music are now giving out a warning and informing people to stay away.

My entire course could find work in the next couple of hours!

You cant spell manager, without almost spelling anger.

I have lost the ability to spell the word management while touch typing. I have got it wrong so many times I think my brain has set a block up and I can now no longer type it without stopping halfway through and thinking about the next couple of letters.

If you like the Channel 4 “between program” skits and think that gratuitous swearing is funny then watch this.

Started drinking a lot of green tea.
Started getting head aches.
Do the math.

The library was bliss today, the university’s internet connection was down so the place was deserted. Lovely.

Well that’s enough time wasting for one night. Back to work for me.

It's the little things in life.

Mozilla Firebird - Now Firefox - just keeps on getting better. I just discovered you can open all the bookmarks in a folder by right clicking on it!!
With the time I save doing this I can sort my phone out!!

Internet research, how my days would be empty without you.

Ducking Annoying.

The dictionary is my phone has deleted all the words that I taught it. This means I have now lost my extensive collection of swear words, names, Yorkshire slang and shorthand!! Untill I get them all back in, texting will take just that little bit longer.

How to get fat.

I have run out of food. Yesterday I ordered a pizza at 11 in the morning and then for “dinner” I had a tub of chocolate fudge ice cream.

This is no life.

Sunny Saturday.

The unplesantries were out in force last night. Losers.

I now have 8 days in which to complete 2 pieces of coursework. I shall accomplish this through the use of coffee, burning the candle at the proverbials and the reward of a most heinous night out once they have been handed in.

I just listened to “The End” by The Doors, and have to say, it is going in my top 10 best pieces of music all time list. I think next time I get in from a heady night out I shall play it very loud with all the lights off to really get “into the music”! Lets face it, anything is better than trying to fall asleep with Chumbawumba going round your head.

It’s Fair Trade Fortnight in Coventry at the moment so I keep on being given free coffee and chocolate. Bonus. I’m meant to be in town at the moment to get some more but after spending a morning waiting for the Pizza guy to arrive – really should go to the shops – I don’t know if I have the will to leave the house. Think I’ll just watch series one of The Office instead to remind myself that there really are people worse off than me.

We had an amazing discovery in the house this week. We found out that the light switch in the kitchen does not give you an electric shock as we thought. It’s actually the screws of the switch face. If you stand barefoot on the vinyl kitchen floor and touch the screws you get a sizable but not dangerous shock, if you stand in the lounge it just tingles, nobody has yet dare stand on the brass foot plate between the two. But sooner or later someone will. . . oh yes. . they always do!

Sammy's Super T-Shirt

It Is Over.

Sammy’s Super T-Shirt!

At last. I was not making it up. I would like to thank Chris and his unbelievable knowledge of children’s television for pointing me in the right direction and Richard for telling me the name of the film after days of searching. You have put my mind to rest.

You have to download the theme tune, it’s sooooo 80’s. I love it. I feel like I have reclaimed a lost memory!

The build, the release, and the calm.

Well the other group got back from Wales and we went through the ritual of trying to work out who did what best. Obviously there was a small degree of friendly rivalry but we all got over it with a couple of pints of the peacemaker.

We were sharing the pub yesterday with some Neo Nazis. Must admit it was the first time I have ever seen people be so open about it. They weren’t wearing swastikas as such, they were stylised but still recognisable. Luckily they didn’t stay long and as quickly as they all marched in, they took their shaven heads, leather boots and outdated politics out the door again. Was a bit odd to see them in the flesh. I mean, there are the BNP posters up around our area but when you come face to face with the guys it just makes you wonder what went on in their lives to make them believe what they do.
Maybe we should all go and give them a hug and tell them that its all alright. . . . then again they would probably beat the living breath out of me for being a “fag” so I might let that one go.

I am still waiting for my lottery win to come through. I was looking at some delicious Marcos cars today and even though they don’t cost that much, they are still just outside of my considerable debt. That then got me onto thinking about what I would do when my uni course is all over. That then depressed me so I starting thinking about winning the lottery again. I tell you, this ignoring your problems thing is a real winner. Now if I can only make this work for my grades as well . . . . .

Went to the pound shop for some chocolate yesterday and promptly ate myself into doing double exercise to work it all off. Then today, after feeling guilty for eating so much yesterday, I wanted some more. I tell you it’s a slippery slope this gluttony thing.

I was reading an article today about how people have been lied to by cigarette companies. It was saying how “low” and “ultra” cigs can have the same effect as normal cigarettes because of the way they are smoked. I was going through this article and it was making me more and more annoyed the more I read. I got to the end and the thin veneer of patience I have for smokers had gotten that little bit thinner. If you want to smoke then fine, just don’t do it near me and don’t complain when you die early. But to pretend you thought the ones you were smoking were better for you is ludicrous. The only thing I can find that is analogous to this is stabbing yourself in the stomach with a butter rather than a steak knife – because its smaller.

Honestly, the amount of everyday things that we try to blame on others is getting out of hand.
Nazis; immigrants are not stealing your jobs, you’re not getting employed because you have a swastika tattooed on your forehead and you called the receptionist a paki.
Smokers; blaming the cigarette companies for putting tar in their cigarettes is like blaming the toilet for being full of shit.


And relax. . . . . .


Anyway, luckily for me there is also love, happiness and joy in the world. This is all because some friends of mine completed a half marathon for charity today. This has left me out of pocket but feeling good as we have once again managed to raise loads of money for good causes.
And once again the wonder that is Hazel who works in our Resource Room has got the university to match all our donations!!

Butter on the outside of the fridge door????? I dont know either!

Well I’m back from Wales and seem to have left all motivation to work in the mountains. I’ve been moping around the house all morning telling myself that I need to do m y washing and get on with coursework. But instead I have checked my mail, checked my blogs, bought banana chips and had a shower. So going well so far!

I’m getting closer to an answer on the “kid in tiger t shirt” mystery. A few people can remember it so now I’m hunting the internet for a film name and picture. It surely will be a happy day when I do.

When I got back from Wales I went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and was astounded by how repulsive it was. I always liked to think I was pretty chilled out about our kitchen not always being spotless. However, this day, it was different. It was an embarrassment that it could have got in the state it was. It’s been messy before, but this wasn’t just mess, this was stone cold bone idleness. This was laziness gone too far. I don’t know if it was the horrible contrast between the beauty of Wales and the filth of the kitchen that forced me to this but I just had to clean it. I could not have prepared food for myself in there.
Now though it is as clean as a whistle. All I have to do is try and convince the guys to keep it that way.

Meant to be going to an acoustic set at someone’s house tonight. I’m really hoping that these people have talent and are not doing it because there housemates keep on telling them that they’re really good. I’ll let you know tomorrow.

The Experiment.

Starts Now!