Softback vs Software.

I read a brilliant book called "I am legend" this weekend. It was brilliant, so brilliant in fact, that i'm going to spoil the end for you on the slim chance you go out and read it for yourself. Basically, all the way through the book - and it's only short so no worries there - you think that 'everything will turn out for the best' as is the way in these books. But this one goes, 'sack that' and just turns it all on it's head and the vampires end up 'winning'. Although 'winning' doesn't really fit what they do, 'survive' is more like it. Best of all though is that the main character dies at the end. Not in a crappy Amtrack Wars kind of way, but in a clever, well thought out way. A brilliant read, and it only takes one day.

Here's a thing. If I spend a week reading a book then I am considered somewhat intellectual. It is not considered time wasted. Yet, if I spend a week playing a computer game, this is somehow a puerile way to pass time and seen as a pointless venture. Yet computer games are more fun. You get to actually BE the guy in the story. You have a hand in how it works out in the end. Surely that is more intellectually stimulating than a book. You have to think about your actions and make descioins which have consequences for the future story. A book just takes you by the hand and you have to only read, not think.

Judging by this is could be argued that playing a computer game - and i'm thinking more RPG here than a space shoot em up - could be considered more intellectually demanding, and therefore stimulating, than a computer game.

Now I'm not knocking books here. I like to read. Just saying, the pompus view of computer games 'rotting minds' doesn't hold anymore. Embrace the future people. Play games.

Monkey see, monkey stare.

I found this website today and it absorbed a good fifteen minutes of my time. I found myself just sat here, staring at the monkeys. I cant quite put my finger on what it is that intrigues me. I think it might be because they are ever so slightly surreal looking. I've never really looked at monkey up close before. I mean, I've seen them on the telly. But these ones have real recognisable expressions. You can also read the story of how they got to be infront of the camera from their faces.
So there I sat, taking in every detail of them. Imagining myself in the place of those monkeys and wondering what would make me feel like they look.

And on this new age romantic note, I bid thee goodnight.

All the way back to zero.

So there I was. I had money. I was doing alright for myself. Sure, I was still working my way out of my overdraft, but that's what it's for. That's why they gave me one in the first place.

Foolish foolish Wardy to believe in such things as a 'free lunch'. I've been saving and working hard to sort my finances out. I had finally manged to get myself out of my overdraft. I was stood on my own financial feet. In debt to nobody ( less my student loan, but that doesn't count! ). So my bank thought they would ride the wave of my jubilation and then at the last minute, wipe me out like the nobody that I represent in the world financial markets.

Yes indeed, the second I broke out of my overdraft, they cancelled it.

hmmm, so, recap. . . . I DID have a nice little buffer that I could rely on while I go about earning more money. But no, I got £20 on the good side of zero, and they went " Thanks for the money back, Sucker!!! )

So now I'm skint. Skint like the kid who has only £20 to his name. Oh yeah, and I need to fill the car up with petrol before my dad gets back of holiday. Damn you and your development China!!!

All that skimping, saving and hard graft for the opportunity to have nothing.

I suppose on the bright side at least I don't owe them anything now.

Still, a grace period would have been nice.

I called them to try and sort it out, to give me a bit of a break until I'm fully financially stable. I'll have to see if the system works, if not it's going to be might embarassing tomorrow morning when I try setting up a direct debit with my gym!

In other happier news. I had an impromptu trip to another city to see a mate. Having a car rules. He called me about half nine and I thought it would be a cool idea to just jump in the car and go visit. I picked up another friend on the way and we arrived about ten past midnight, we drank whisky till the early years and caught up. Then the next day we drank coffee all day and drove home.

Bargain.

this morning i dragged myself out of bed at Early'O'Clock and went up to my local gym. it's been a while since i've been there what with university and all but i was looking forward to getting back into the swing of things.

Now, there are a lot of changes going on at the gym. for a start, they are building a new one. a much bigger one. with new equipment and a sauna. ho ho ho, i think i know where i'm gonna be spending the majority of my spare time when it's finished. no more trekking into town to have to visit a sauna for me!
because of this work the gym has been moved into the sports hall. this is quite bizzare for starters because all the equipment has just been put on mats in the middle of a massive room. so there i was, rowing just left middle of a badmiton court, then i moved over to the weight slighlty off centre of a basket ball court. it used to be in two rooms. it was nice cause it felt cosy, like you were just working out in your living room or something. now it feels like you're doing it on public display.

however, while this change can be dealt with for promises of future greatness, there is one change that hasn't taken place, that really really needs to.

the music.

it is Still, Justin 'I dont know what cha talkin' bout' Timberlake. i have never listened to an album so much in my life. it seems like every time i go, they are playing that sodding thing. there i am, trying to psyche myself up, and i have nancy boy screeching at me incesantly, time and time again.


new plan, take mp3 player. load with thrashing guitars, lift weight.

I am sooooo dull sometimes.

I just wrote the most sodding boring piece about the problems my computer is giving me. Honestly people, I had to delete it.

So because all the hard work I just did came to nothing, go here instead and wander through the wonderful things.

For the love of God!

If I see another advert made up of everyday noises put together to make 'music' I think I'm gonna eat my ears.
Sure, the first time I saw it I thought it was kinda cool. Do you know why I did, because the first time I saw it, it was Original. Did you hear that advertising people, it WAS original. Now you come off looking like a second place loser desperately trying to recreate something clever . . . . badly.

clunk, fizz, whirr whirr bang.
rattle rattle, crack pop, thunk thud click.

Well shit a brick, I'm in the mood for buying crap now.

But when I'm not leading myself to an early grave by getting far too involved in television adverts, I do go out and do stuff.

Example: This week I've been helping a friend landscape his garden, we have been out in the pouring rain, diggin' and stuff. On the third day we found a bees nest under where his ladders had been laying for the past couple of months. So being the caring people that we are, we carefully moved the ladders out the way, made sure any of the rocks were not too near the nest and made a bit of a clearing around it.
Then we got some fire-lighters, his wifes nail polish remover, and had ourselves an eviction party!

Gotta love the fun that summer provides.

Beware, Life ahead.

yesterday night was a scary time for me. not only could I not find the option in my word processing software to automatically put capital letters at the beginning of sentences, I also wondered what I would do if I was lying in bed and someone tried to kidnap me, or shoot me, or what the consequences of a terrorist bio-chemical attack on my bedroom would be.
while this kept me awake for a little while I soon found sleep as I remembered that only earlier that day I had installed a Quantum Sleeper. Now when I go to bed, the only thing I have to worry about is whether or not I'll get a reply from the girl I met through Guns-n-Babes.

All I can say is sorry.

sometimes, words are all we have. Yes, they may seem contrived. they may seem worthless, cliched, and ultimately wasted.
However, in this instance, and through this medium, words are all I have.

I never meant to disappointment. all I ever tried to do was make people smile. yes, I know I take the piss sometimes but I never do it to hurt, I never do it to be mean.

if I thought anything I had written on these pages would lead people to think of me in a bad way then I feel the purpose of this site has been wasted.

I started this site mainly so I didn't have to keep on writing e-mails. but it grew from that, I realised there were people out there who were reading it to be entertained also. when I realised this, my writing changed. I sometimes wrote simply to entertain, to bring smiles, to make people happy.

I now admit that in trying to do this, I have brought some readers undue misery.

so these are my apologies.

the first is to the guy looking for French Porn. I am sorry that I did not provide you with tasty Parisians partaking in acts unfit for description. it was never my intention to not provide French Porn on this site, I just don't have the bandwidth.

the second, and more sincere apology goes to the person searching for Mick Hucknall August 2004. I am sorry that I did not provide you with Mick Hucknall partaking in acts unfit for description. it was never my intention to not provide Simply Red mp3's on this site, I just don't have the bandwidth.

For the disappointment that Wardy so often brings, all I can say is sorry.

Are you claustrophobic or just sad?

if there was ever an emergency i would not want to be in it with Shell.

There has been so much i have wanted to write about while my computer was poorly. There was the whole “Manhunt” hysteria, there was the Kerry speech, I almost won the lottery and I found all my old A-Level notes which made me laugh no end.
unfortunately, I'm not going to write about all that now as it would take up way too much room and just be out of date.

so today i bring you. . . the beauty of having friends who are nothing like you.

while visiting a friend in another city he convinced me to let him straighten my hair. although i have always wanted straight hair, i would never go out and purposely straighten it, so this was the perfect opportunity.
he set to work, twenty minutes passed, and i emerged looking like a new man.

now people, sometimes i wear a shirt and think “you know what, i look alright in shirts, why have i never done this before” so i start buying more shirts and seeing if i can get comfortable in them. well when i looked at myself in the mirror, i knew i had to have my hair straightened again in the future.

i have never had straight hair in all my life and i don't know if it was the shock of looking so different or if i really did just have it goin' on. but i thought i looked the absolutely knackers.

i walked around the city that day with the gait of a man who oozed self confidence. it was great. i went from Screech from Saved By The Bell 'geeky cool', to straight down the aisle, fur covered, full steam ahead, kick my face good old fashioned slap my jack cool.

if a change is as good as a break, then I'll keep my curls, but get me a pair of straighteners once in a while!

I'm back.

Well the old pc is up and running. Hopefully this time it will stay that way for a bit without me having to spend hours on end making it work every fortnight.
So from now on, expect regular updates once more.

For today however, just enjoy this, this and this.