It's time for me to go down to theater. I go to the loo, put my slippers on and sit on the bed to wait for the nurse. She comes in and asks me how tall I am. Six foot I say. She looks me up and down and comes back later with a gown for me to put on. ?Get changed? she tells me, ?no underwear.?
So I go into the bathroom, strip off and go about putting my gown on. Another nurse comes in and asks if I want help with the gown. I'll be alright I say, I'm nearly done. You'll do it wrong she says. I think I've got it I say. I bet you haven't she replies.
And she was right.
I come out the bathroom and she gives me her best ?I told you so look.? then tells me to take it off and let her do. ?I'll not look? she tells me in her best 'sincerity for beginners' voice. I figure what the hell, shes a nurse, it's not like she hasn't seen hundreds of naked guys and luckily for me my only disfiguring feature is on my face ( wow, there's a sentence I never imagined myself typing and being proud of! ) So I turn the gown around, she ties me up and I take a look in the mirror.
Whoa there.
So when I said ?six foot? and she went to get me a gown, she must have become confused and thought what I actually said was ?the tiniest gown possible please.? This was the most minuscule hospital gown I have ever seen. If you have watched Anchorman, it was like Ron Burgundy's dressing gown. Only just long enough to cover your butt. I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and started to blush. I mean, I can't remember the last time I blushed at my own embarrassment, but here I was. It was such a ridiculous sight. And it gets worse.
The porter came to my room with a clever bed that collapsed down into a wheel chair. I walked out my room to him, turned around, sat down . . .and jumped back up like I'd received an electric shock in my ass. There was just no conceivable way that the little material I had below my waist was going to keep me modest. It didn't even pretend to cover me. It didn't even try. I was out there for the world to see, a rolling peep show. Now, one nurse, in the privacy of my room I can deal with. But being wheeled through a hospital, and knowing later that I'm going to have to lie flat, and my limits were reached. I turned to the nurse who has just witnessed me leap out of the chair and somehow managed to blush even more as I said ?Nurse. . . I'm really going to need a blanket.? She laughed her ass of at me and then handed me one. I sat down again, somehow finding it in me to go even redder as other nurses joined in the laughing. I couldn't help but think that this had been orchestrated for their amusement.
Whether this had been preplanned or not, the laughter was contagious and I couldn't stop myself joining in. As the lift doors closed on me to the sound of the nurses station in hysterics, I couldn't help but be glad that soon, somebody was going to put me under, and I might finally stop blushing.