We are in the middle of the sunniest days we have had in this green and pleasant land for some time now. Yet in the middle of shorts season there are a number of people who seem to be denying the summer. They walk around as if the blazing heat has no effect on them. They wear ‘winter’ clothes when the dark season has passed. They pass by wearing dark, in all seasons.
They are Goths, hear them moan quietly in the corner at a social gathering.
Now I don’t have anything against minority groups of society. I’m all for them. Varied societies are happy societies. It’s not that I don’t like Goths, I just don’t understand them.
At all.
Now as we know, a lack of knowledge can often turn into resentment, which is what I am trying to avoid here. But I witnessed something a few days ago that I just can’t process inside my tiny little ‘acoustic music can be nice’ head.
Imagine the scene. Blazing sun. No clouds. White skinny legs from adolescents are all around. The ice cream van is playing the American national anthem for no real reason, girls in short skirts and boys in white trainers are all around. And then a vampire walks by.
A vampire, in multiple layers of black. Huge knee high PVC boots with 5 buckles on each, black trousers, a black T-shirt with generic ‘death metal band’ logo emblazoned across it, and then the Crème de la Goth, a long black leather jacket ‘Matrix style’.
But this is the bit that gets me, if you are so badly trying to impersonate a vampire, with the white face and ‘blood coming out the mouth’ make up and all. Why would you walk around in the blazing sun at midday??
It just doesn’t add up. It would be like me pretending to be a townie, and then not being a pain in the arse to everyone I meet while I delicately sip on a chilled G’n’T.
If you want to impersonate a vampire, do it properly. This half hearted approach just makes you look like a fool. A fool who is going to sweat A LOT for no real reason other than trying to broke some kind of ‘look at me’ childhood need. I mean, they must have read a vampire book at some point in their life, or at least seen some album cover art with them on. Surely they understand the basic principles of the thing they are trying to impersonate.
So this is why I don’t understand Goths. It seems to boil down to a fashion. And while they are trying to kick out at society with the shock value of what they do. They tie themselves up in knots by becoming so controlled by the way they have to behave; they are no longer ‘anarchists’ and more ‘fashion victims’.
Then again maybe I’m wrong. But I doubt it. After the matrix there was a new flux of Neo-Goths ( an unexpected but frighteningly apt name ) that all had to wear ‘That’ coat and pretend they loved Norwegian metal.
I don’t mind people pretending to be vampires, and I don’t mind the whole Goth scene. But in the same way that I thought everyone that wore a Kappa tracksuit was a loser, and the same way that everyone who wears Burberry caps is a loser, Goths are becoming a parody of themselves.
Goths of the world. If you want to remain as a fringe group then start getting fringy. You are being diluted into yet another Topshop clone. Soon there will be t-shirts from Ted Baker that have ‘Goth’ written across them. When this day comes, don’t say I didn’t warn you.