I have formulated a new theory for why we don’t like insects. This came to me today while I was sat in the garden workin’ ont’ tan. It goes like this; we don’t like insects because they have no respect for personal space. They get everywhere. They get in your tea, in your omelette sandwich and in your revision notes. They buzz close to your face and repeatedly land on your face, arms, legs and stomach. A person would know not to invade this personal space, nor to taint personal belongings. Animals such as dogs can be taught not to constantly invade this personal boundary, even cats can be taught through repeated flicks to the nose, to stay away. Insects however, just don’t get it. They will come as close as they like, land on you, get really really near your eyes, then sit there looking smug. Should you flick the insect away, it will be replaced. You cannot stop insects from being irritating. Mammals can be pushed aside or kept in an enclosure. Insects are free from humans trying to contain and control them. This is why they are not liked. We can do nothing to bend insects to our will. If they want to land in our food, they will. If they want to drink my blood, they will. If they want to fly really really near to my eyes, – and I have a thing about my eyes being close to anything other than sunglasses – they will.
Insects are uncontrollable, and this annoys people. There is no ‘pop up blocker’ for insects. We cannot turn them off, turn them over or change our personal settings to get rid of them. Insects will go where they please, when they please and heaven forbid we should get in the way. We can’t even kill them, it brings such short-lived respite from their relentless presence that you just have to sit down and try and appreciate them.
So next time I’m in the garden appreciate them I will. And if they doesn’t work I’m going to get a family size bottle of Raid and have me a hoe down.